After a two-months break I’m finally back from my hiatus! I will be able to post regularly again, with the usual 1-2 blog posts per week. In case you’re interested, I write more about the reason for the long hiatus below (a Lenormand reading even plays a small role, too). But in short: I have been mentally and emotionally totally preoccupied with a new (and very different type of) project. Things have calmed down now, though, so I’m back!
So, the man I split up with in spring is a biker. And one of the things I missed most terribly after the break-up was going on rides with him. I used to love those weightless, timeless hours on his racing bike, flying through open space – a sense of freedom and lightness I’ve not experienced in any other way. I started wondering whether maybe I should learn to ride a motorbike myself. And I drew cards, representing me and motorbike riding. Here are the cards I drew – and I really did draw all three of them by chance:
As so often happens when I really, really need emotional support from the cards, the cards I drew were extremely in-my-face affirmative. It was ridiculous, almost, in its obviousness, right down to the detail of the (spinning) wheel in the Woman card! The cards were saying, very loudly: yes, that feeling of lightness and ease and freedom you used to have with your ex on his bike, you could have without him, too, on your own bike. Just give it a try, start playing with it!
And that’s what I did. I took the number of driving lessons required in Austria for driving light-weight motorbikes without an extra driving test. And then I actually got myself a small motorbike, a 125ccm Honda! So that’s why I’ve been on hiatus. Learning to ride a motorbike was a very emotional journey for me especially in the beginning, but it is often trying even now. It continuously confronts me with two of my biggest fears: the fear of harming others, and the fear of failure. It goes against my grain to do something that could kill someone else if I make a mistake, and it’s very hard for me to keep doing something when I don’t become good at it rather quickly (not good at it yet, yes, but also I’m definitely not very talented at this, I might become skillful at some point but never truly deft). 
In the first month of learning to ride I hardly slept because my mind wouldn’t stop replaying incidences I didn’t handle well, and I even lost weight because I was too stressed to eat. There was no room mentally and emotionally for anything else.
That has started to change; I’ve begun to relax, and enjoy the rides. Sometimes, admittedly for very short amounts of time, I’m now getting a bit of that sense of weightless, timeless space. With the increasing relaxation I have been able to take up my other projects again, including this blog. I thank you for your patience, and for sticking with me!
And if you’re ever in Austria and espy a smallish red Honda on the road with a driver whose long braid is fluttering behind her in the wind – you might want to take a different direction quickly…
Anna.K Blogs 
Congratulations and Enjoy your bike!
LikeLike
Thank you; I’ll do my best 🙂 Tomorrow, I’ll venture out on my first ride along a rather steep and really, really winding road [scared face emoji].
And thank you so much for still reading my blog! I’m looking for new inspirations at the moment. Apart from the series I’m for now working on a post about a different way of choosing significators; that one’s going to take another week or so.
LikeLike
I think this is GREAT !! You’re so amazing and what better way to jumpstart your new beginnings…by learning something new that you love! The cards you drew…also amazing!! PERFECT! What a great way to get encouragement! Welcome to your brave new world of bike riding! And I believe you picked the BEST BIKE 🏍 to get started with! I used to ride a nice Honda bike…you’ve inspired me to consider doing it again! And btw, you look über cool on it! Yay for red!
LikeLike
Thank you for your encouragement! I’m always extra happy to hear from other women who can ride bikes, there seem to be so few of them. Hondas are indeed lovely bikes, on the whole; I really like their sound; they don’t sound as aggressive as so many other types of bikes do; they purr like cats! And my model is especially agile even for a lightweight; it is indeed perfect for a beginner. The only thing I’m not happy with is that because it doesn’t fully utilize even the little hp it would legally be allowed, I can’t safely overtake anything much faster than a bicycle and that can be annoying 😉
What model did you use to ride?
LikeLike
Congratulations on finding a way to move forward. It was a cool idea. None of my business, yet a suggestion: Though this is almost a year later, this summer see if you can go dirt-bike riding. My oldest grandson is learning right now. My husband will give the young man his ’81 Harley when our grandson masters dirt riding. He says it is the perfect place to learn all sorts of situations that will apply when on regular roads and hone one’s riding skills. His biggest piece of advice is to ride like everyone is out to run you over. It does not take long before you get into Zen-mode when riding, though being cautious at the same time. Have find and may you have a great time! – Deb
LikeLike
It’s funny you posted your comment about dirt-bike riding on that day of all days, because on that exact day my uncle made me ride my bike on my first ever off-road trail through the forest, over pine-cones and moss and roots and gravel… It wasn’t even half as scary (or difficult) as I thought it would be, and I definitely believe you (and your husband) that acquiring skill with dirt-bike riding would help with everyday situations and safety, too! So yes, I am thinking about it!
In the meantime, I have already started proper driving lessons with a big bike, and will hopefully get my full license some time in May. The frustrating thing is that as a rather short woman the choices I have are rather limited with bikes over 500ccm. I don’t understand why stronger bikes seem to be automatically built HIGHER as well. As if only tall people want strong bikes! Very few bikes would be comfortable/safe enough for me even when lowered as much as possible (which brings many disadvantages of its own). And I don’t want a chopper style bike because I find Choppers uncomfortable to handle because of their built. I need an agile bike with a small rake angle, a bike that is easy to maneuvre. I don’t mind weight so much; I can maneuvre the 220kg driving school bike well enough, and I have experimented with heaving my uncle’s 250kg BMW up all the way from lying on the ground to standing – it was surprisingly easy with the right technique. So weight shouldn’t be the problem. But I don’t want a bike which is too high, or difficult to maneuvre. Anyways, sorry for rambling 🙂 I hope your Lenormand deck arrives soon, and to hear from you again!
Anna x
LikeLike